Establishing Boundaries and Seeking Support
INTRO
This section begins with a video on the importance of setting boundaries and asking for support. As mentors, maintaining clear boundaries and knowing when to seek help are vital skills for sustainable, effective support. As you watch, think about how setting boundaries can enhance both your well-being and your ability to assist others.
Setting limits – video.mp4
It is very important that the mentor sets clear boundaries when helping refugees. Recognizing and maintaining one's own limits is an essential part of a mentor's well-being and successful helping work. Helping without boundaries can become overwhelming, and the mentor may become exhausted or frustrated. Mentors are recommended to keep a professional distance from their mentees. By keeping personal life and mentoring work clearly separate, work and free time remain balanced and the mentor is well. A well-being mentor is able to offer more long-term and sustainable support.
Setting limits also helps the mentee learn to act independently and develop their own skills. Excessive dependence on the mentor can prevent the person being helped from finding their own solutions.
Why Is It Important to Set Boundaries?
Setting boundaries is one of the most important aspects of promoting a mentor's well-being.
It is good for the mentor to keep his personal life and the guidance work clearly separate from each other. In this way, work and free time remain in balance, which helps to maintain one's well-being, motivation, and endurance. This also prevents burnout. Excessive workload or emotional load can lead to stress and exhaustion.
It is recommended that those doing voluntary work also keep a professional distance from those they help. Professional distance is beneficial for both the helper and the person being helped. It creates conditions for impartial professional help, which people usually need.
It is important to be aware that the support offered by loved ones differs from professional help. It is an important support, which most often also includes emotional sympathy.
When looking for help from a professional, you should be able to trust that the helper will endure and cope. The professional takes care of himself to ensure this happens. Professional distance does not necessarily mean physical distance, but mental separation.
When a mentor sets clear boundaries for work, it helps to create clear communication with those being helped. It is easier for all parties to work when a clear framework for working has been created.
Boundaries help the mentor understand where his responsibilities and obligations end.
Setting limits also helps the mentee learn to act independently and develop their own skills. At worst, excessive dependence on the mentor can prevent the person being helped from finding their own solutions and increase the feeling of helplessness and dependence.
The mentor must also make his/her boundaries clear to the mentee. He does not live only for the mentees and is not available outside of work. The mentor has the right to a personal life.
The mentor does not have to be an expert in all fields either, you can find out about things together.
What Can a Volunteer Offer?
Volunteers play a vital role in supporting Ukrainian refugees, often providing invaluable assistance. However, it’s essential to recognize the limitations of volunteer support compared to that of trained professionals. Volunteers may lack formal training in mental health, trauma, or social work, which can inadvertently lead to blurred boundaries and potential harm. To prevent this, it's crucial to establish clear roles and expectations for volunteers.
Volunteers can offer essential support in practical matters, daily life, and basic security.
Their role is to provide reassurance, active listening, and practical assistance.
It's important to remember that a volunteer’s support is not a substitute for therapy or professional treatment.
Focus on providing subtle practical care that prioritizes emotional and practical support without delving into the complexities of traumatic experiences.
If a refugee's needs extend beyond your capabilities, ensure they are referred to appropriate professional services.
By understanding these boundaries, volunteers can effectively support refugees while protecting their own well-being.
Clear Boundaries
When you are a mentor, remember that you are not:
A therapist
A savior – you cannot do everything
Irreplaceable
Responsible for the mentee’s entire life
Available outside agreed-upon hours
A judge of right and wrong
A critic
Behaving inappropriately
An invader of privacy
Make the Boundaries Clear to the Mentee
The mentor must also make his boundaries clear to the mentee.
A mentor does not live only for the mentee, and he does not have to be available in his spare time. 🡪 Say that you are not available during your free time. You also have your own personal life.
A mentor should set clear boundaries between work and his own life. 🡪 For example, you can decide outside of the agreed time not to use your phone for work-related matters or not to answer e-mails. State clearly when and at what time you are available.
The mentor also does not have to be an expert in all fields, but he can find things out together with the mentee. 🡪 Tell that you can figure things out together.
The mentor does not have to offer a job/school place etc. or do things for the mentee. Instead, the mentor can offer support and do things together with the mentee. 🡪 Tell that you are supportive and that you can handle the matter together.
Professional Distance
Do not give or lend e.g. money, gifts, etc. to the mentee. And don't ask for them yourself.
Professional distance means that you know how to separate your own feelings from the feelings of the person being helped.
If you feel heavy or uncomfortable after the meeting, stop and think about whether it's your feelings or the feelings of the person being helped. If necessary, remind yourself that these feelings belong to the other person, not to yourself.
Do things you like in your free time.